My First Day of Fatherhood 💜

How I delivered our baby at home alone...

I was always told throughout my childhood that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, anything shall be possible for you. My wife Hari and I had this amount of faith, that we could birth our baby freely and naturally, without the help of any doulas, midwives, or medical assistance. We both felt guided to uproot our lives from living in Portugal for the past 3 years and move to Costa Rica to have our first baby.

Hari and I have been partners for the last 6 years and are well-tuned into each other for making big decisions. When we boarded our flight to San Jose, Costa Rica, Hari was 7 months deep into her pregnancy. Her belly was very large and beautiful. So we were both a bit nervous that they’d reject us from boarding the plane. 

My Portuguese visa had also expired, and I was apprehensive that they might pull me aside for questioning and impose a fine. I also had concerns about our dog, Kunda, flying in the cabin beneath us. However, Hari assured me that there was a team of angels watching over our baby, and we had nothing to worry about. True to her words, we smoothly passed through passport control and boarded the plane with no issues.

We rented a small cabin nestled beside a pristine mountain river in the chilly Chirripo mountains. Hari had always dreamed of having an infinite, natural supply of pure spring water for our baby to drink and bathe in. The soothing sound of the river had a calming effect on our nervous systems, emotionally preparing us for a natural, flowing, and free birth of our new baby.

"Faith is a state of openness and trust. To have faith is like when you trust yourself to the water. You don't grab hold of the water when you swim, because if you do you will become stiff and tight in the water, and sink."  ~Alan Watts

Hari had been diligently researching how to achieve a free birth, drawing insights from a group of radical, highly conscious, self-empowered women who were well-versed in the natural, ancient ways of childbirth. Her deep connection with this knowledge led her to initiate her publication. You can find all the essential information, courage, and support needed to embark on a free birthing journey on Hari’s Free Birth Substack.

Hari never opted for ultrasounds or any prenatal checkups to determine the baby's health or sex. Instead, we placed our trust in life's guidance, attentively listening to our inner intuition every moment of the day.

Our cabin was a 45-minute drive from the nearest hospital, and the idea of entering a medical facility never crossed Hari's mind. She had heard too many stories of women relinquishing their autonomy to doctors, only to end up with epidural injections and c-sections. This approach simply did not align with how we envisioned our firstborn entering the world.

Hari understood that when a pregnant woman is subjected to numbing drugs to manage contractions, it often leads to additional complications during childbirth. Giving birth is a profound internal and spiritual journey, and women require heightened sensitivity to be deeply attuned to their body's needs.

"Trust the process. Your time is coming. Just do the work and the results will handle themselves." ~ Tony Gaskins

Hari has been educating me for the past few months on how I can best support her during labor. She required a high level of gentle sensitivity, avoiding any strong, pushy, or directive guidance. I had to learn how to be sensitive and supportive without attempting to alter her internal experience.

Hari's preference was for a deep, dark, womb-like birthing space, providing her with the conscious environment to have the most sacred experience of her entire life. She sought a space free from invasive external direction and time pressures. This tranquil, dimly lit setting heightened sensitivity, enabling her to listen to her internal guidance and make the right decisions promptly.

We also came to understand that every woman in labor requires such a deeply quiet environment to connect with her body and its momentary needs. Whether the labor process spans 3 or 60 hours, this is precisely what her body needs to navigate the birthing experience. We both embraced the unwavering trust that her body would communicate its needs at each moment.

On the Wednesday night of October 18th, 2023, Hari's water broke, and we slowly embarked on the initial stages of labor. We hadn't anticipated the birth for another month and felt unprepared. Consequently, I hurried down to the river to center myself and gather as much information as possible about achieving an Orgasmic Free Birth.

Earlier that afternoon, we both watched a video about free birthing, but I felt like I had merely scratched the surface, realizing there was much more to learn. By 7 p.m. that evening, Hari's contractions had become so intense that she couldn't even stand up to brush her teeth. It was evident that our baby was ready to make an entrance.

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality." ~ Lao Tzu

After enduring several hours of contractions, she began emitting deep guttural sounds from her belly, which helped to transform the intensity of tension into a complete release of sensations. A particularly serendipitous aspect was that Hari had taken voice lessons for several months during her pregnancy.

Through these lessons, Hari learned to channel her emotions and sing from the deep recesses of her belly. This newfound skill aided her in processing and releasing any lingering childhood traumas she had carried, making it the ideal preparation for transmuting and alleviating her labor pains.

I had only managed to snatch 2 hours of sleep when her water broke the previous night, so I found myself dozing off at times while gently massaging her back for several hours to alleviate the pain.

At around 9 p.m., I decided to step out of the birthing room to prepare some tacos and recharge my energy. I donned my headphones and tuned into empowering music to regain a sense of calm, presence, and readiness to assist her. As I returned, I trailed behind her, tending to the occasional droplets of blood as she shifted positions.

After enduring 6 hours of labor, her pain escalated significantly as the contractions drew closer together. She confided in me, expressing her struggle to endure the mounting pain, and the perception that it might never subside. This stage is where most people tend to become anxious and rush to the hospital…